What’s your email personality type?

 

Email. It’s one of the most revolutionary jumps in communication the world has ever seen. It’s also a total pain in the arse. Billions are sent every day. And while there are some that are worth opening, there are… others.

So, to help identify the source of the spam, we’ve taken liberty in breaking down five email personality types. There’s a bit of each in all of us, but if you’re a consistent communication culprit, well — here’s some food for thought.

THE BOUNCER.

The Bouncer’s replies are short, sweet and not that useful. It’s the, “I’ll look into it” and the “thanks a lot” that you really didn’t ask for or need. 

Gmail even offers its own reply suggestions which are catered perfectly for bouncers. They’ll be the first to be replaced when the robots takeover.

Tips for Bouncers:

Hey Bouncer, buddy. You might as well just give your screen a thumbs up and carry on as you were. As much as we love hearing back from you, maybe just hold fire on replying till you’ve got something juicier to add.

THE LOOPER.

These guys haven’t quite conquered the concept of ‘need to know’. You open their emails and wonder if it was sent to you by mistake. Then you notice the endless list of other busy email readers who are looped in-too.

Tips for Loopers:

Come on, Looper. Reel it in. You don’t need to CC in every man and his pet parrot. Make that loop a little smaller and more relevant.

THE THUMB-FUMBLER.

This is the on-the-go email personality type. They can’t seem to sit still long enough to use an actual keyboard. Instead they reply to your email mid yarn with a coworker in the elevator. Worst of all: Thye nver ckhec whta theyv’e tpyed  bferoe tehy clikc sned.

Tips for Thumb-Fumblers:

Listen Thumb-Fumbler, my quick hustling friend. We know you’re busy, but aren’t we all?  Take a minute. Breathe. Have a final read. One thing at a time. Thakn you.

THE RAMBLER.

Some of us like to get down to business in the first line of an email, maybe even in the subject. But Ramblers aren’t just here for a good time, they’re here for a long one. 

If there's a bush, they’re beating around it. Looking for the point of their email is needle in a teenager’s bedroom territory. By the time they’ve babbled their way to their well meaning “kind regards”, you’re practically a fossil. An email from a Rambler is like a poodle before it’s been clipped. Under all the fluff, there's a, teeny, tiny, wiry, little snake of a dog. Still cute but retrievers are far less maintenance.  Really, Poodles are just glammed up whippets. Do you see what’s happened here?

Tips for Ramblers:

Less is more. Keep it tight. Maybe take up creative writing, it seems there’s a talent there waiting to be uncovered.

THE DENIER.

If you’re reading and thinking, “none of that’s me”, you’re in Denial. We hate to break it to you, but there’s every chance you take on at least one of these personality types every once in a while. Worst of all, you might be a combination of them all.

Maybe we’re wrong and your recipients are blessed by your impeccably crafted emails. Or maybe you’re a Looping, Bouncing, Thumb-Fumbling Rambler and you don’t even know it.

No-one’s perfect, least of all us. But acknowledging the problem is the first step of giving some of our email habits the Marie Kondo treatment. Come on everyone, let’s turn our junk folder back into an inbox— the way it should be. 

 
Matt Langton